So, I'm on my own again. Not exactly, but it feels like that when Doyler is more than a city away. Our older brother has called him back to London, something to do a shit storm he found himself in the centre of when he went off touring with Charlie and her dumb-fuck boyfriend. He may only be gone a few days, maybe the rest of the week, either way it's left me bored and alone.

The boy James appears to be defrosting, maybe he's forgiven me for running out on him and leaving him with Laura for a couple of months. I've not asked him if her appetite stretched to running her hands over his body yet? Not sure I want to know given the circumstances. The idea of the object of my lust and her may drive me out one more time. I don't know what the difference between me fucking her and him fucking her really is, I've never seen him with a hard-on with anyone other than me so maybe he couldn't manage it. Maybe he's just into cock. Fuck! So am I and I still manage to get it hard enough to slip her when I have to. Just because I can doesn't mean I should right? I dunno.

Edie has been gone for a couple of days too, some gig in some armpit working mans club in the Borders where the laughter comes out of fear of discovery. So until she gets back I either have no one to talk to or no one who will talk to me. I must be real charming fucker huh?

oh...

Found this the other day and wanted to include it beacause a) it's funny and b) it's true, but I knew Doyler would veto it so I'm doing it while he's away. If it alienates anyone who reads this piece of shit of blog then fuck you, I don't want you here anyway.

Starting out as an extra in Nickelodeon show "Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide" Austin Butler has quickly moved through the ranks at Nick to a lead role in "Zoey 101," replacing Sean Flynn as Jamie Lynn Spears love interest.

Born in Anaheim, California on the 17th of August 1991, 17year-old Austin had been on "Zoey 101" before in a guest spot but was more than happy to return. "I thought coming into the show so late would make me somewhat of an outsider, but everyone was so nice, and the cast was so welcoming, that I felt right at home. I had such a great time with everyone on set."

Having only been involved with acting since 2005 his filmography is till in it's infancy, mostly playing the hot teen boy who gets the girl on numerous shows for Nickelodeon including "Hannah Montanna" and "iCarly." He does, however, have a new film in the pipeline with 20th Century Fox "They Came from Upstairs." Probably best left to Autin to describe: "It is a movie about a group of kids who defend their summer house, and the world, against aliens, while keeping it all a secret from their parents." Sounds like an award winner huh? But then with looks like Austins who needs Oscars.

Title: Chicken
Director: Barry Dignam
Starring: Darren Healey
-------------Niall O'Shea
Running Time: 2 mins 53 secs
English Dialogue

Two Irish teen lads Mick and Kev are wasting time by the shore, throwing rocks at empty cans and drinking cider. When one engages the the other in a game of mumbly peg, as a train approaches the real reason for Micks pushiness may yet be revealed.

As metaphor goes, the game of chicken can be over used. In Dignams' short however that very game is what drives the characters urges. Mick may aswell be daring Kev to kiss him. This brief short, sharply focusing on a single moment of revelation for both boys is a tight and strong piece.

Chicken - Short Film
Uploaded by doyler1985

Ma Vie (variously known as Ma VraisVie a Rouen or My Life on Ice) focuses on the story of 16 year-old Etienne (Jimmy Tavares), who living alone with his single mother (Ariane Ascaride) charts a rather turbulent year with his video camera. The year is spent charting conversations with bestfriend Ludovic (Lucas Bonnifait), Etienne's training as an ice skater and his almost stalker like obsession with his Geography teacher (with whom initial plans seem to be to set up with his mother.)

As a charming, heart on it's sleeve, emotional rollercoaster Ma Vie achieves exactly what it sets out to do. Tavares is a handsome and charming lead, characteristics required when some of his actions with the camera stray closer to uncomfortable obsession than video diary nonsense. His handheld Sony camcorder lingers a little too long for comfort in the changing rooms or over his mothers new boyfriends face but we follow that perhaps he is less aware of what he is doing than those he spies on.

This isn't really a "Coming Out" film but more a "Coming to terms" film, Etiennes discovery of his desires is a slow process for him and one that isn't helped by his best friends unwillingness to broach anything close to the subject, instead trying to get him with girls he dscribes as easy. Etienne however finds his feelings difficult to contain however and it leads on to an uneasy and emotional ending.

While the technique of filming the whole movie through a camcorder grows tiresome in places it is pulled into place courtesousy of some fantastic performances. Tavares in particular (in his only role to date) is an affecting and engaging actor and Ariane Ascaride as his put upon but never less than loving mother offers a wonderful emotional anchor for the whole film.

This is the last of the post from the old blog that I'm just gonna copy and paste over here, I'll start fresh next time or else Doyler'll kick my arse. I'm back at the hostel now so we'll leave what happened inbetween for a more approriate time, we'll get there...

When I cracked open my eyes this afternoon it was quarter past 5. The half winter light trying to break from behind the curtains. Laura had already climbed over me in my sleep, her coat was still on the floor by the door so she was around somewhere. The boy James still asleep on the cot. I seemed to have slept through the worst of the hangover, just the dry taste of vomit in my mouth and the dull thud behind my eyes remained.

I hauled on a pair of jeans, leaving my t-shirt on the floor and trudged out of the red room and into the hall. Edie sitting on the wooden chair by the balcony still in her dressing gown, blowing smoke out of the window. The two of us have an understanding. We don't talk until later, until the two of us are capable of speech. I sat at the table across from her, grabbed her packet of Richmond and helped myself to a cigarette. She passed me a half smile and a wink, i responded likewise. After a moment she threw her cigarette butt out of the window and pushed what was left in the packet across the table to me before walking back into her room.

And this is how most days start.

Laura padded back from through the front door, a blue towel wrapped around her, leaving little puddles behind her. As quickly as passed by me and into the red room James stepped out, nodded his head to me, grunted and headed downstairs to the shower block.

I weighed up the options as I finished the cigarette. I could've gone back into my room, fucked Laura and guaranteed my rent paid for the next week or I could've headed down the stairs and jerked off with James in the showers. Truth is I couldn't've done either. When hungover I'm soft for the long haul. So I just sat and chained another of Edies smokes.

Then the memories from last night started to kick in bit by bit. Tequila and speed at Doylers before I headed over to Haymarket and let the Austrian boy blow me for a eighth of his Morrocan... The next thing I remember is sitting on the curb at the top of Leith Walk. All the gay guys and their hags trying to squeeze into Habbana and CC Blooms. Both are dives but Edinburgh falls a little short on the gay scene. The Emo kid! Shit! This cute as fuck dark haired lad in skinny black jeans and a too small Akira T-shirt that flashed his tight little stomache when he raised his arms. I gave him a couple of joints worth of the Morrocan and he gave me his number but it's not in my jeans anymore. I must've turfed it out somewhere absent mindedly. I just about remember hooking up with Mark and Warren, sharing a cab back to theirs and watching a porno while we smoked the rest of the hash and drank Jack Daniels. They started getting into it and began fucking on the couch next to me. I watched them for a while before I realised it was getting light outside and headed back to hostel.

I don't remember how I got back, or what time. Laura was asleep and James was sitting reading. I think we talked for a while. Maybe not, we don't really have that much to say to each other. Crawling into bed, I let Laura cuddle up into me as the Poles in the Yellow room began moving about.